only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize