I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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