So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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