is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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