Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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