The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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