Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we're so committed to being not committed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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