To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize