can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize