well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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