got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize