Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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