And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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