then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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