Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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