I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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