that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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