last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize