All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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