why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize