I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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