I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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