Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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