you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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