i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize