This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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