fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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