Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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