I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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