We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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