i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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