sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
