Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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