we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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