The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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