I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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