i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize