By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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