I am in a vortex of obligation.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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