So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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