you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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