He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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