I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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