I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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