I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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