I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize