Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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