drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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