I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize