i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize