Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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