My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All I want is dick and wine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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