I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize